When I was a kid, my dad worked as a mechanic on industrial machines like sewing machines and other types of specialized machines in factories. The amount of parts that went into making these machines is mind-boggling, and likewise the possible number of things that can go wrong is mind-boggling as well. He would often spend DAYS working on one machine, looking for that one seemingly insignificant part that was causing the problem. While it may have been a "minor" part, at the moment of failure, it became the MOST important part.
As our world dives headlong into exponentially increasing complexity, the risk that we will be unable to identify the ultimate causes of problems also increases exponentially. How we deal with this complexity seems to be the ultimate challenge of the modern world. How that complexity impacts us psychologically and socially is also of profound concern; especially for those of us who work in the social fields like education.
I don't have any "hard data" as the basis for the following hypothesis, but if I were to guess, I would be willing to say that we would all be a little happier and more successful if we returned to a simpler way of life. It is certainly true that "modern life" has taken it's toll on our health and mental well-being, at the same time it has also given us many tools that help us to live longer and more productive lives. I'm not suggesting that we abandon all modern conveniences and technology, but that we begin to appreciate the benefits of the simple things in life like: Face-to-face conversations at mealtime, taking a long walk (with no electronics), playing with animals or digging in the dirt, singing or doing an art project...just for fun, laying on the ground and staring at the clouds or stars, holding the hand of a friend, or just being still and quiet.
As educators, I urge you to begin to actively look for aspects of your lessons and teaching practices that can be simplified. Look for ways to slow down and give your students time to listen, and most importantly, reflect. Find time for (and prepare for) PURPOSEFUL silence. Begin to ask yourself, "Is this meaningful to my students, or is it something I'm doing because I've always done it?"
Confessions of an Overly Anxious Parent
***This is an article I wrote and put in the parent version of RedHawk Tales. I made a slight adjustment to the article and put in some ways that YOU as a teacher can help your students deal with their anxiety. Anxiety is a LOT bigger problem with our kiddos than you know and it manifests itself in a variety of ways. As educators, we need to learn to identify it in our students and learn ways that we can help. Hopefully, the suggestions given in the article can give you a start on that process. Also, if you are also an Overly-Anxious Parent, I hope that this speaks to you as well. Thanks!
Confessions Of An Overly-Anxious Parent
I'm going to make a FULL confession. I am an overly-anxious parent! Experts say that the first step towards healing and health is admitting you have a problem. They also say that sharing your struggles with a "safe" group of friends or others going through the same thing can be a great form of therapy. So, since we are all friends...here I am...ready to share openly about my struggle. My hope is that in doing so, I can encourage others to recognize whether or not they too suffer from this, and maybe discover some strategies to deal with it.
I am the dad of an only child. Hannah is our "baby" and she just turned 26 years old last month. She's a wonderful person, and I'm not just saying that because she is my daughter...she really is. She is an early childhood educator and works in the Silicon Valley area as an intervention specialist for children who have been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Her mom and I are very proud of her! She just bought a her first car...all on her own with no help from mom or dad! She is "adulting" now and that is a great thing to be able to see your kids do. Even though she is well into adulthood now, I often tell her that she's my "baby bird" who's still learning to fly. We all know that in adult life there are lots up's and down's. As a parent (particularly as an overly-anxious parent) it is difficult to stand by when our kids are in those down periods. We worry, but we know that if they don't learn how to come out of that dive on their own, they will never be adept at flying solo. Parenting is not for the feint of heart. The bad news is that it doesn't get any easier the older your children get; it just gets different. Sorry TK and K parents! The good news is that you can always hope for grandkids if you feel you need a "do-over"!
As wonderful as my daughter is, and as great as she is doing now, the road through anxiety to this place in our lives has been difficult; not just for her, but for dear old dad as well. I won't bore you will all of the details, but anxiety disorders run in our family. My mom has it, I have it, and now my daughter has it. The science is unclear as to whether or not there is a genetic link, but there certainly is a behavioral link. Sadly, anxiety is a type of disorder that we can pass on to our kids through our behavior; not just our genes. Anxious parents often produce anxious kids, and there are LOTS of studies out there that seem to confirm this.
It would be impossible for me to detail ALL the ways in which anxiety has affected our family, but for the sake of time and relevance, I will confine my comments to its impact on my daughter's education. My daughter is very bright and LOVED school. Kids have their favorite subjects, and she is a lover of reading and a hater of math...and that's just how it is. Despite all of her intelligence and love for school, her anxiety turned her into a student with HIGH "test anxiety". Every time she was given a test, she was totally stressed out. She would have physical symptoms ranging from gastrointestinal trouble to sweating, to hives. Consequently, her scores on these tests did not reflect her achievement or tell us how bright she really was. She REALLY wanted to please us, but knew that the test...that ultimate marker of academic achievement...would NEVER give the true picture of her as a student. While she was in elementary school and junior high, she was referred for testing for Special Education TWICE by teachers who thought she had a learning disability in math. These teachers were well-meaning, but they didn't understand the impact that anxiety had on our daughter. This was a constant source of struggle for her all through K-12, university, and ultimately into graduate school. The anxiety around tests NEVER went away, she just found new ways of coping and finally began going to regular counseling sessions. The interesting thing is that her mother and I never put pressure on her about school or tests. We always just told her to do her best and tried to be encouraging. As we began to realize the problems she had with test anxiety, we tried EVEN MORE to downplay the whole "test-taking" thing and emphasize other aspects of school and learning she was good at. Watching your child struggling with anxiety can be gut wrenching, and actually feeds into the anxiety of the overly-anxious parent.
The insidious thing about anxiety is that we don't know how our own problems with anxiety are going to manifest themselves in our children. As parents, we might have problems with anxiety around money, being away from home, or being alone; while our children might manifest their anxiety in completely different areas of life...such as school. The good news is that if we, as parents, can learn to deal with our OWN anxiety, the chances that we will pass it on to our kids also diminishes. As anyone who suffers from anxiety will tell you, it is no picnic. It interferes with your life and your thought processes in ways that can sometimes become debilitating. Luckily, there are strategies and treatments that can help those who suffer.
Causes and Identification
Parenting is anxiety-inducing in and of itself. In fact, if you aren't sometimes anxious about being a parent, I would submit that you are probably not doing it right. All parents worry about their kids...it's what we do! However, the key is to be able to identify the point where normal worry becomes full-blown anxiety.
We live in a world today that is scary. A Canadian professor of clinical psychology often reminds his students about the dangerous nature of nihilism. Nihilism is the belief that the universe is chaotic and doesn't care about us; furthermore, the universe is trying to kill us...and it will ultimately succeed. It is a philosophy that would like us to believe that despite all of our efforts, everything is meaningless when cast against the grand scales of time and the universe. That sounds pretty harsh, but for most of human history our species was constantly on the brink of survival and extinction. In the modern era, these fears about the universe conspiring against us seem to be confirmed on a constant basis when we hear about all of the terrible things going on in the news...another mass shooting, an earthquake, a hurricane, a new disease...and the list goes on. Psychologists and biologists tell us that we are "hardwired" to assume that the worst is about to happen, and simultaneously programmed to be hopeful. This balance is what has helped our species survive. This is actually a good thing, in that we are primed to react. Our ability to be ready and aware of danger, helps us to stay out of its way. Likewise, when things seem at their worst, humans seem to have the ability to think past the crisis and that gives us the courage to persevere. Well-placed and reasonable anxiety is actually a good and necessary thing. The problem is when "helpful" anxiety becomes pathological and we fail to see past the current "crisis" of the moment.
Our society doesn't do us any favors in helping us manage our anxiety either. Humans are social creatures, and being part of a family and a strong, close-knit community has traditionally provided us with the support and protection we needed when things weren't going well, or the outside world seemed scary. For many in our society, those types of relationships are a thing of the past, or are non-existent. Instead, our society today is fragmented, and it seems as though we have basically stopped communicating with each other...at least in traditional ways that are good for relationships and mental health. In the place of strong families and close-knit communities, we have substituted our Facebook pages, Instagram, and Twitter accounts for real real relationships and communication. Meanwhile, we consume a steady diet of media that is not designed to improve our lives, but to manipulate us into thinking a certain way or to buy what someone is selling. In addition, the media and popular culture helps to perpetuate the myth that things are worse now than they have EVER been. I say "myth" because a recent book by Dr. Steven Pinker of Harvard has debunked the notion that things are getting worse. Here is a link to a video on the subject. Worriers, you should definitely check this out. It will help you feel better! All of this cultural background noise is anxiety-inducing to a "normal" person, but to a person suffering from anxiety, it is sometimes overwhelming and debilitating. Throw in the everyday pressures of parenting and life, and you have all the ingredients you need for some serious dysfunction.
According to the Mayo Clinic, common anxiety signs and symptoms include:
Feeling nervous, restless or tense
Having a sense of impending danger, panic or doom
Having an increased heart rate
Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)
Feeling weak or tired
Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry
Having trouble sleeping
Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems
Having difficulty controlling worry
Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety
The Mayo Clinic also recommends you seek treatment from a physician if:
You feel like you're worrying too much and it's interfering with your work, relationships or other parts of your life.
Your fear, worry or anxiety is upsetting to you and difficult to control
You feel depressed, have trouble with alcohol or drug use, or have other mental health concerns along with anxiety
You think your anxiety could be linked to a physical health problem
You have suicidal thoughts or behaviors — if this is the case, seek emergency treatment immediately
Understanding and managing your own anxiety is the first step in preventing it from being passed on to your children.
Ways to Combat Anxiety...and Help YOUR Students
The following suggestions come from Karen Nelson's article: 7 Ways to Help Students Who Struggle with Anxiety
1. Get Kids Breathing Deep
When people slow down their breathing, they slow down their brain. When I notice that one of my kids is struggling with anxiety, I’ll often lead the whole class in a breathing exercise. It helps the child who is overwhelmed, and usually a few other kids too. Sometimes, I’ll do it just because the whole class is squirrely and we need to focus. Slow, deep breaths are the key. This article about belly breathing describes the process I like to use with my kids. It works every single time.
Being out in nature can also calm an anxious brain. Sometimes just a change of scenery is what makes the difference. Breathing the cool air, or making time to notice chirping birds can also calm an over-active worrier. Asking students to carefully observe their environment can help them turn the focus away from their worries, and on to something more tangible. “How many different kinds of trees do you see?” “How many different bird songs do you hear?” “How many different shades of green are in the grass?”
3. Get Kids Moving: Walk and Talk
Exercise helps anyone who is feeling anxious. All of the endorphins that come with exercise are calming to the anxious brain. I use this strategy on the playground a lot. Kids who are feeling anxious can “boil over” pretty quickly. Anxiety can end up looking like anger. One of my students who struggled with anxiety would often find conflict in the playhouse at recess. I tended to use the “walk and talk” method to calm her down. She’d come to me upset and I’d ask her to walk with me as I supervised the rest of the kids. After a couple of loops around the playground, everything would feel a little better.
Our walk served three purposes. 1. It removed her from the situation. 2. It gave her a chance to explain the issue to me. 3. It got her blood pumping which clears out the anxiety producing energy and brings in the positive exercise endorphins. I’ve also been known to take my kids for a run, just to change the mood in my classroom.
4. Think Positive: Gratitude Journals
The brain is incapable of producing anxious thoughts while it is producing positive thoughts stemming from gratitude. If you can trigger a positive train of thought, you can sometimes derail the anxiety. A fifth grade teacher in my building asks kids to keep gratitude journals. They are responsible for recording at least one thing they are thankful for every day. When his students seem overwhelmed by negativity or mired in anxiety, he encourages them to re-read their journals.
5. Help Kids Eat Healthy and Stay Well
For the most part, teachers don’t really have a lot of control over what students eat and how much they sleep, but these things do matter when it comes to managing anxiety. Not surprisingly, a healthy diet and plenty of sleep makes a difference in how well a student is able to handle situations that could be overwhelming. It’s one of the reasons that snack and rest time were an essential part of the day when I was teaching preschool. (It probably would have benefited my older students too, even if they might not have admitted it!)
If you can find a way to work these things into your school day, they could make the difference for your kids who tend to worry. Even if you can’t control what they eat or how much sleep they get you can educate them. If you eat meals with your class, use the time to talk about healthy food choices, or wrap it into the curriculum when you can.
Often, when one of my kids is struggling, the school counselor will come and share a picture book about managing anxiety with the entire class. Some kids may not be receptive to direct, one-on-one, intervention but will respond beautifully if they know the whole class is receiving the same information. This article from Living the Fantastic Life shares some of the books we used most frequently in our classroom.
Source: Living the Fantastic Life
7. Consider Accommodations
For older students, accommodations can make all the difference. Many students struggle with performance anxiety, especially when it comes to tests. When a student is feeling anxious, their brain simply can’t function as effectively. When we can set up our tests and assignments so anxious kids are less stressed, they’ll likely perform better. Extended time and cue sheets could help kids who suffer from test anxiety. For other accommodations for kids who struggle with anxiety, check out this list from Worry Wise Kids.
Conclusions...Getting Better
I've spent my life battling anxiety, and witnessing others that I love battling it as well. I often blame myself for not realizing early enough that I had a problem; and then after realizing it, not acting quickly enough to seek treatment. Like many adults, I thought it was just something I had to deal with and that through sheer force of will or fate, I would be able to overcome it. A person with anxiety worries about worrying. Once we realize what our triggers are, we worry about them happening at times and places where we won't be able to control it. We also feel guilty about all the "ridiculous" things we have done as a result of our anxiety, and how it has impacted the people around us. As a parent, I feel particularly guilty about the ways in which I unconsciously contributed to my daughter's anxiety problem. Perhaps if I had realized what my struggle was doing to her, I could have done more to help myself, and help her as a result. What I DO know is that anxiety IS something that CAN be managed; and like all other disorders, the time to treat it is NOW...not later.